Friday, October 16, 2009


Ryan has always been my independent child. One thing about being so sick is that a child like that lets you love him. Most kids love to be loved. One of my favorite parts of having a newborn is just holding and loving them. My girls love to be loved too. Ryan, however, is a different story.
He doesn't really want me to hug him or even touch him. Sadly, even though I tell him several times a day that I love him, he doesn't say it back. I wish I could change him, but I can't.
I have been allowed to spend more time in the last three days lying with him, caressing his hair, rubbing his back, and hugging him. At the doctor yesterday while he was miserable, he had his head on my shoulder.
Today as he was feeling better, he was back to his old "don't touch me" self. I felt instant disappointment even though I was relieved he was better.
Tonight his fever is again high. He is listless and so tired. I am again high alert and slightly anxious. Another part of me is looking forward to getting to love on him some more. He won't have the energy to reject me.


Anonymous said...

Bonnie you are making me cry!


Vicky said...

Shoot, I'm gone for a couple of days and look what I missed! Its so hard to have sick kids :) Glad for the little bit of cuddling as a positive, but I feel for ya! Hope he is well soon :)

Anonymous said...

I was wondering if you ever heard of the book The Five Love Languages, By Gary Chapman? It is such a good book, we all express love differently, some like to be touched, others like to get gifts, others want someone to spend time with us, perhaps it is acts of service, and the last one is words of affermation (I think that is spelt right). After reading that book it changed the way I respond with all of my children, they are all different and really light up when loved in their love language. This works with friends and family and even strangers. A short conversation with anyone and they usually are expressing their dominate love language. Hope it helps.