Wednesday, April 9, 2008


I am a little tentative in writing this, because in no way to I want to come off as ungrateful, unkind, or anything else. But, Thad and I have grown increasingly frustrated with our second child.  
To her credit, Kate is our kindest, gentlest, most sensitive, and loving child. She has a heart of gold.  However, what we struggle with is:  whining, helplessness, lack of coordination, and an overwhelming need to follow others.  Ironically, the things that we have found most difficult about Ryan are polar opposites of Kate's.  Part of the problem is that these traits that we struggle with regarding Kate were a non-issue with Ryan.
1.  Riding a bike...we went for a 'family walk'/bike ride. Training wheels were a struggle for her!  With that comes the whining that drives me crazy.  Last night she wanted the training wheels taken off. Thad about lost it after ten minutes.  There is no drive to push through fears or to just try a little bit.  "I can't" is something we hear too often.
2.  She wanted bangs a week ago. You would have thought that WWIII had broken out. That was all she talked about for two days. One kid said her hair looked weird, and she was so devastated. (Not that I don't sympathize with her, but I would like her to not care quite so much as a FIVE year old.)
3.  Every other sentence is: "How come I can't..." or "It's not fair that..."  She has even said that when Olivia or Ryan is sick b/c they get popsicles.  Excuse me did you want to throw up all night?
I could go on and on, but that isn't very nice. The point is that there is no such thing as an easy child. Strengths from one child could very well be another's weakness.  I remember when we were in Oklahoma City for Elli's wedding.  We came back after a long weekend to a son who taught himself to ride bike.  Shave Ryan's head or do whatever, but he could care less.  And of all the issues we have with Ryan, he does not whine at all.
For now Thad and I need to work on our lack of patience dealing with this.  I know all you moms out there get stressed out with your kids too. Thanks for letting me vent. Now to be honest, I would like to go find Miss Kate and give her a big hug!


ABCDH said...

Even though I know this is meant to be a serious post I found myself sort of laughing. It's just that every time someone writes about their child I can relate, at least, on some level.
Even though it bugs the you-know-what out of me when people compare girls vs. boys (because I think people are people) - there IS something to be said of girls being a little overly sensitive at times. Kate is your oldest daughter and perhaps that is why this is such a new experience for you both.
Cecelia refuses to put her socks on - she cries, says she can't, throws them, and puts them on wrong on purpose to prove that she can't do it. It drives me absolutely insane because if she's playing dress-up she can toss those puppies on in 2 seconds flat.
At any rate, I feel your frustration and thank you for sharing.

TBRKO said...

It is funny. Thad told me last night that Kate--after being told three times to wait until he was out of the shower to open the box of waffles--came into his bathroom with the box and the syrup, dropped the syrup. It exploded all over the floor. It would only happen to her..
PS I talked to Kris yesterday and if you can come up, we will have to get together. Bring the girls and we will whoop it up!

Jenay said...

oh, the trials of having daughters... We too have a whiner at our house that also puts a lot of thought into what others think of her. My new trick with whining is when she whines i ignore her. If she is asking or telling me something and she is whining I ignore her! She'll usually get a little louder with it and even whhiinneer and then I say, i can't hear your whining, my ears can't hear that, what is it that you want? That has helped and she is getting better. I am trying so hard to teach emily to wear and do what she thinks is best. Let's not worry about what suzy q wears or how so & so does there hair! I keep enforcing that everyone is different and what you think is cute is what matters. We are working really hard on not staring at people too. She constantly stares at little girls when were out and she'll make comments on their hair, shoes, clothes etc. the comments can be good, bad or indifferent, but she’s still putting too much thought into what others are looking like. I'm sure I will be dealing with this for years to come! I am done babbling, just hang in there, everything seems to be a phase.

TBRKO said...

Okay well today Kate came out wearing: a dress, a sweater that didn't match, and pants. I had to put the crackdown on that outfit. So, so much for me trying to have her be totally independent!
This is a bonus about my boy: he has never thought of whining as being remotely effective. Thank god!

Anonymous said...

Bonnie - All I can say is "I Hear ya". I have a whiny one too and I have been trying to reinforce positivity when she DOESN"T whine. I'll go and give her a big hug and thank her for being a big girl when she does something without whining. Like Jenay, I will also ignore her until she can come to me without whining and ask nicely for what she wants. Although there is still whining in my house, I have seen some minor improvement. And just remember how lucky you are to have a non-whiny boy - My son has learned the wonderful art of whining from his sister. Let's hope he grows out of it soon....Best of luck! Amanda S