did I do the right thing?

The above picture is self explanatory, but there is more to the story....

Last Thursday Kate came home and proudly told me that she only got one wrong on her spelling test. It was a bonus word, so really it didn't count. Then she proceeded to tell me that she wrote a word correctly, erased it, changed it, noticed her neighbor wrote it the way she had originally written it, changed it again, and got it correct! I paused and said, "Kate you cheated." She replyed, "I know, I don't care." Where did my super sweet Kate go? Did she understand what she did was wrong? Did she not understand the seriousness of it? What the heck is going on!!?!?!? Oh, this is one of those "I am a crappy parent" moment too. I guess I blog about the good, bad, and ugly. But I digress.

Me: "Kate you have to tell your teacher what you did."

Kate: "NO! I am not telling her. Dad said people who cheat have to go to the principal."

About three mintues lapse by. I have to leave with Olivia and Brady for dance, Thad and Ryan are headed to hockey, and Kate had to walk to her friend's for a ride to dance.

I found her upstairs sobbing. "I can't tell Mrs. Carney. She will be so mad at me and send me to the principal and...."

Me: "Kate we have to go. Let's talk about this later." I hug her, because she is clearly scared out of her wits. That's no good either.

Later after dance the little kids and I ate dinner at my parents' house.

I asked my parents what I should do. Wayne said, "Tell her you're very disappointed in her and that you hope she never does it again.

Here is where I struggled. I had already told her she had to tell her teacher. I couldn't go back on what I said....but she is seven. It's not like she was cheating on her dissertation. But what message would I be sending if I did nothing? AHHHH.

Ultimately I encouraged her on Friday to tell her teacher. After school I called to see if she had. She had not. I told her teacher everything. Of course she was shocked and dissapointed. Hmmm now what?

Kate stayed home Monday. She had an upset tummy Sunday & yesterday (still does really). I thought maybe it was anxiety over it. Finally last night, I told her that I told her teacher. She was angry with me. "You lied to me mom." My reponse? "Much like you lied to Mrs. Carney?" She got quiet. I said, "Kate you made a bad choice. Cheating is bad, even if you didn't plan to do it. You will write a letter of apology to her. I will either mail it or you can give it to her, but you will do it."

So, back to the little note up top. I emailed her teacher this morning. Kate didn't give it to her! Now, in hindsight, I wouldn't have either. How scary? Finally her teacher called Kate up. Kate gave it to her, and listened to her teacher explain why that was bad. I thought she learned her lesson until tonight. Guess what? First thing she told me was how mad she was at me?!?!?!?! Then I raised my voice. "Kate YOU made the choice to cheat. I don't make choices for you. YOU do. You will not blame me for what YOU chose to do. It was wrong, you were forgiven. Stop blaming ME for it."

Now the question is, did I handle it inappropriately? Did I go overboard, not do enough, or what? I'll tell you this....we all have cheated right? Dang this parenting this is tough some days...