My Ryan...

My first baby is 12 years old today. I had to take pictures of pictures to pay a little tribute to him, so pardon the bad photos.

I can't believe how not huge I look when I was almost fully done cooking him! What a difference compared to my last child....

Ryan came into this world after a bed-rest ending to my pregnancy. He was teeny-tiny (no joke). He was in the PICU at 6 weeks. He had horrible health the first couple of years. He has been my "difficult" child without a doubt.

I see a lot of myself in Ryan. He strong will, his inability to be loving with his parents (yes I was that way too), his love of getting a reaction out of his family (ask my parents, I was good at this), his deeply sensitive nature that he preferred no one saw, the way he gets fixated on something he really wants, the way he treats people when we aren't around (in a nice way), and heck, this is the ONE child who shares one genetic match of mine. We have the same eye color. Wow...four kids and that's what I get?? Lucky for them really.

I love this boy to pieces, and I tell him everyday. He never reciprocates those words. It's not his thing. BUT, he still comes into our room every.single.night to sleep on the floor (since August).

He will make me pull my hair out a million more times in my life, but at the same time I couldn't be prouder of his work ethic, his independence, the way he doesn't whine or complain, his self-sufficiency, and the way he treats his baby brother.

Happy Birthday Ryan...I love you so much. :)

PS: don't look at the cake closely. I had a little crisis or two making it .

An honest question from Ryan

Last night as Ryan was helping me put away some stuff I bought at Target (read: looking for the one item he requested I buy for him), he pulled out a box of tampons.

"Mom what are these?"

"They're tampons."

"Why did you buy them?"

"Because I'm getting my period next week, and I need them."

"How do you know you're getting your period next week?"

"Because I just know."

"Do you go to the doctor to get that?"

"Um......no Ryan....haven't you had health?"

I jinxed it

Brady was a wreck at gymnastics last night....unless I was in the room with him. He did well for the first five or so minutes. Then he bawled and begged for me.

I guess no child is 100% ever predictable or easy.

Thankful

Okay here I go...twice in a week. I haven't posted pics on here forever. Sorry you have to wait.

I am thankful today for Brady. The child is always happy...well mostly. Don't get me wrong, he does many things that drive me crazy like dumping out and wasting my vanilla, garlic powder, Lowrys, pulling up a chair and practically standing ontopofme while I make dinner, crawls into our bed almost every single night when we are out of it and don't realize it, splashes water all over the floor during bathtime, or sometimes misses the toilet when he goes potty....

But really? The kid is a gem. He gets himself dressed most mornings. He chooses bizarre outfits, normally insists on wearing an athletic jersey, and has his underwear or pants on backwards (like today), but hey, he does it.

As my mom says, he is so industrious. He just gets stuff done. He doesn't whine and ask for us to do stuff, he just makes it happen. Sometimes this leads to disasters, but oftentimes, it is so refreshing for us.

To quote my mom again, "And to think we were worried about you having a fourth child...."

I've fallen...

...of the blogging wagon. It's not that my family has nothing going on. It's quite the opposite in fact. We are simply too busy. So here's another lame update...
Ryan is in sixth grade. He says little about school. His grades are awesome, and he was chosen as student of the month by his science teacher, so I guess he's doing well!? His conferences were excellent as well. He just wrapped up football yesterday. He played his final game in the Fargodome. They had a great season, but unfortunately I missed most of his games due to soccer. More on that later. He still plays cello, and has begun try outs for Pee Wee hockey. He is never home. When he is home, he picks fights with all of us, but Brady. I love this boy more than I can say, and I pray one day he will say it back...and actually talk to me.

Kate is in fourth grade. She loves school and everything about it. She is also doing very well. I was surprised at her teacher's observation that she is a perfectionist. Who Kate? Our Kate? Thad and I couldn't stop shaking our heads at that one. She started soccer this fall. For someone who had never played and isn't very competitive she did quite well. She scored the game winning goal in her last game, and that was the only game they won! She is always with her girlfriends in the neighborhood. They are so lucky to have each other.

Olivia is in first grade. She also started playing soccer. The first practice all she did was cry. I was expecting the worst. By the second game she was quite the little player. She runs non stop and even got a little aggressive toward the end. She is learning to read, and we are working out counting by twos and fives. Bad mommy Bonnie hadn't focused on that...oops. She is still very shy at school, but she has some sweet little girls there who are her buddies. Tomorrow she starts gymnastics with her friend Grace.

Brady...oh my little Brady. Brady turned THREE on October 1. When all my other kids were three I was either expecting a baby or had just had one. Alas....that's all folks. Brady is obsessed with the kitchen and sports. He wears Ryan's pads, the girls' jerseys, and constantly dumps out spices in my cupboard. Yesterday we lost the vanilla and garlic powder. He is also potty trained!
He is my love and is happy 95% of the time.

Damn this sounds like a Christmas letter....eek. I'll try to write more often, but don't get your hopes up too high.

I'm Mean

After countless hours of listening to my children complain, I came up with a new response (off the top of my head mind you) at 7am this morning.

Kate: "Mom do you know why I'm always mad at you?"

Me: "I am not in right now. I only take complaints between the hours of 12am and 4am. Please leave your message at the tone, and I will never return your call. BEEP."

Kate: "Whatever Mom"

when it rains....

....it pours. Literally.
Today I went back to work. I could feel based on my lowering patience with my children that it was time. I am not ready to be a working mom again, but never once have I disliked my job or what I do. The adjustment period always takes a little getting used to.
And of course, like the old saying goes, "when it rains..."
1. I woke up around 5:30. Early. Too early.
2. Worked my tail off all day listening to meetings (more work to sit still actually), unpacking what is my fifth classroom, organizing, putting up posters, and figuring out what the first few days will be like.
3. I got Brady, coaxed him to watch a video so I could just chill for a bit, and...yeah that didn't go well. He talked non stop and asked me every 15 seconds if we could go outside and then told me he wouldn't get wet.
4. Thad came home mad. I guess Ryan's brand new bike has a mangled wheel. Oh did that set him off. Then I got crabby because Ryan didn't unload the dishwasher. This was his one job today, and it's his daily chore. I even reminded him at lunch. So he lost friends for the night.
5. Then Kate decided to break out the Easy Bake oven right before supper, make a huge mess, and then complain that she couldn't eat her dessert prior to dinner. Ahhh!
6. We ate, cleaned up, and got ready for Ryan's back to school night. I said the whole family is going. So there. Deal. Suck it up. What a great idea right? Uh....wrong.
Brady was fine for the first meeting. The second meeting, he wouldn't sit, mimicked football plays (including sliding across the floor in front of the teachers numerous times), yelling hut and touchdown, and even loudly passed gas (and announced it).
7. The the kids went to their lockers. Only that must of taken too long, because Brady found something else to occupy his time. The fire alarm. Yep, pulled it. I looked at Thad and said, "Fix it!" He said he couldn't. Hello you are a cop! Do your thing.
Let me just interject that while I love Thad, he tends to not do well under chaotic family pressure. So I had to go find the principal, explain it was my son, and no not my sixth grade son who I think she was ready to report to the police.
Of course I made no secret it was my kid. I mean, can you make this stuff up????
8. Got home, Thad left for the bar (thanks dear) for a going away party, bathed Brady, got the other kids to pick up, and then....the night got a little ugly.
9. Ryan and Kate started fighting. I sent them to bed. Brady drank water, ran to the corner of the girls' room, and spit it on the carpet. Again, he is mimicking football players. So then I scolded him. Olivia decided she wanted to be scolded too, so this old rag of a mom ended up sending all the kids to bed abruptly.
10. I need more patience.

Help!

I've neglected my blog...and now there is just too much that has happened to post.
Quick summary:

-Ryan's baseball team had their state tournament. They did....okay. He had a great year of pitching.
--Thad and I went to Vegas. Our date week was great!
--I signed the girls up for fall soccer. This should be....interesting.
--I signed Brady up for Parent/Tot gymnastics this fall.
--I have not put much time at all into my new class in January. I'm screwed.
--I have managed to read eight books this summer. I'm not done either. Reading = escape.
--Ryan had two weeks of hockey camp, one week of orchestra camp, and now is in football. He pays the Star Spangled Banner on Thursday at the Twins game. Thad and I will be there!
--I caved and bought Ryan a cell phone yesterday. There are many rules and his behavior will dictate whether or not he has it much.
--Above mentioned child is dealing with some anxiety. He's been sleeping in the girls' room on an air mattress. Before that, he'd come in every night and end up on our floor. Of course he won't admit to it, but something is up and I'm a little concerned.
--I am rushing around tying up loose ends this week: hair cuts, dental appointments, etc.
--I am taking Ryan to the middle school today for his school pictures, etc. How is he this old?!
--I think I am cutting my hair off tomorrow...okay not off, but a few inches shorter. It's time.
--I decided one day a couple of weeks ago to potty train Brady. He is doing awesome!

But...here's where I need help. It's been awhile since I've had a little boy. He's obsessed with his penis. Like seriously obsessed. He informs me that he has one all.the.time. I grabbed it in Walmart and even yelled it! Last night he asked me to see it, and proceeded to show me it was....in an altered state. Help!

Do you ever...

....feel like not blogging because you just don't think you have anything good to share?
....hear your kids say some seriously bizarre stuff and think, "I need to blog this," but don't because...it takes time, and who has that?
....pray to God your kids will sleep in by some miracle so that you can have an hour of quiet? As if God wants us asking for such petty things...
....just think to yourself, "I am sooooo sick of cooking meals, trying to come up with something new and good."
.... dread telling your kids what's for supper like I do, because inevitably someone hates it?
....dream about what you'd do if you got a check for $100,000 dollars in the mail? I do...and I have it spent, or at least spent and put to good use for my kids.
....think that even though you can't afford a nice family vacation to somewhere like Disneyworld you should just screw it and go for it? We don't know if we have tomorrow or next week or next year. I want to...but I never 'go for it.'
....dread your next birthday because...let's face it, we aren't getting any younger?
....look at your kids (toddlers specifically) and wonder what happened to that perfectly sweet baby?
....look at your psycho toddler and still miss having a baby...?

I do....

Two Things

1. Brady calls Little House on the Prairie....Katy Perry. Nice huh?
2. Today as I was about to take a shower, I said, "Brady can you please give me some privacy?" He turned around, opened a drawer, took out a tampon, and said, "Here is your privacy."

See this face?

Don't let it deceive you....he is a full fledged terrible two-going-on-three kid. For example....
1. Everytime I take off his diaper he grabs himself (guess where) and says "penis penis."
2. Last Friday night he put goo-gone in the dishwasher.
3. He loves to scream....just to try and damage my one good eardrum.
4. He has been known to call his sisters dumb a few times...."you dumb!" Thanks big kids...
5. He still is in to everything kitchen related....last night he was 'transferring' orange gatorade from one container to another....and most of it inevitably ended up on the carpet.
6. He is ungodly loud when he wakes up with the birds and I'm trying to let the rest of the house sleep.

But....on the flip side...
1. He is the best snuggler in the world.
2. He gives the best hugs
3. He kisses me a lot
4. We took him to Kobe's the other day, and the boy was in HEAVEN.....he even opened his mouth imitating waiting for Sake when I gave him his chocolate milk!
5. He is almost never crabby....
6. He is addicted to watching Little House on the Prairie...yes I'm being dead serious.
7. He likes to play with my hair....hello future lucky girls! (well maybe girls...)
8. He is my not two for much longer 'baby'
I get it now....that last baby will always be a baby....because we grasp on to what we can to remind of us how precious and tiny they once were. How fleeting it is....how quickly life goes by once we have kids.

Baseball tournament

Ryan had a baseball tournament in Bemidji this weekend. We left Saturday morning. Shortly after we got on the road, I am reminded why we don't always travel together as a family...unless it's to Disneyworld or some place special. Bickering....complaining.....all that great stuff. I put on my headphones and cranked up the music.
The boys played awesome on Saturday and won both games!


One game is okay for the kids. Two gets long...especially when both are during naptime. That doesn't bode so well for Brady.
Here is Kate and Kenzie...Brady's little girlfriend.

Don't ask me what Brady is doing here...well I know he's pretending to hold a bat. I guess the mitt on his head is a helmet? This child is....interesting.

Brady in a time out. Yes I even do this in public...in the middle of grass....i dont' care.

Swimming with Dad. Kate kept begging me to get on my suit. She asked why I didn't want to. I said, "Well...I've had four babies." She said, "Well I haven't what's your point."

The boys (and one girl who rocks!) treat Brady like a little king. It is so sweet...and everytime I get mad at Ryan, I need to remember that he is the first to kiss Brady goodnight. So fun.

The kids got trampled on Sunday. It was like the Bad News Bears. They were off...too off.
Last night much of the team was over playing a game of baseball after batting practice. I brought out Brady to say good night to Ryan. Wow...he got high fives, knuckles, hugs, the works.
All this sweetness just may psych me up to go again in a month for the state tournament.

trip

I've just returned from what I can look back on and call the trip of a lifetime. I saw places and things that I'd never have the opportunity to see otherwise. I saw more pieces of history than I can share. Also, how many of you care?!?!?! We went to Memphis...the highlight was the Civil Rights Museum which is built around the location where Martin Luther King was killed. We were required to a read a book about it prior, and all I can say is, wow, did it bring it home.
We hit Beale Street both nights. Another wow! So cool...so fun. We did hit a lot of other places there too.
Lorraine Motel where King was killed.

Bad picture of Beale street

My adorable roomie Kacie for the week...on a bus ride through Mississippi. The highlight for me was the seeing the places surrounding the Emmett Till murder in 1955. We read a novel in my history class. It hit home. Very creepy. A gentlemen even drove up as we were overlooking a bayou to talk. He was there the first week of the trial! So.dang.cool.

Our group of teachers at the Vicksburg battlefield in Mississippi at the Minnesota monument.

Then we went to New Orleans. Holy stinky city! Ewwww....we saw everything...stayed in the French Quarter, did a six hour bus tour based on Hurricane Katrina. Powerful. We went to the WWII museum. Moving.
But it was hot. This was after a surprise two hour walk through a neighborhood that we didn't know would happen. We were cranky.

But you can always clean up and have dinner with the girls!

I had so much fun. I slept little. I was a little too crazy a few nights...yes a few nights. Eek. But I learned so much.

Birthday & Baseball

Last weekend was a busy one. Kate turned nine on June 4th. Where has the time gone? Seriously....I feel old. She ended up spending the day with Delormes because she didn't want to sit at Ryan's baseball games. Then we went shopping that night. You'd think a little mother/daughter shopping (okay Grandpa Wayne came too) would be fun. Not with Kate. She is only into scoping out junk. She likes to look at stuff, shows me things she likes, but wants nothing. And trying on clothes? Torture. She'd rather just look at herself in the mirror and make faces. Not my style at all.
On Saturday and Sunday, Ryan had a baseball tournament in West Fargo. The weather was perfect. Oh my god do I love watching baseball. When it's sunny, a light breeze, how does it get better? It also hit me that I can actually see the faces of the players. During hockey and football, you can't see a dang thing. Ahhh I love it. Ryan pitched the entire first game. He did very well, but the other team's pitcher was a beast. I don't even know if we scored at all. I can't remember. But the boys won the next two games, and took the consolation championship. Very cool.

This little guy sits intently during the games....for awhile. Then he grabs his ball and finds a stick for a bat, and mimics the big boys. So.stinkin.cute.


Sunday night after another game, Kate had her birthday party at Space Aliens. For the first time, I pared the number of guests way down. That, coupled with a few girls at the lakes made for a nice small party! Well how small do you get when you own family consists of six people? Ryan asked to bring two boys. At first I said no, it was Kate's day. Then he reminded me that he never had a party....okay I said. Plus these two boys are sweet. And they treat Brady like he's their little brother.

It was a good weekend. Crazy busy, but good.
The rest of the week I spent in a seminar. And guess what? Today...as in a few hours, I am flying to Memphis for two nights, Vicksburg, MS, for one night, and New Orleans for three nights. Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found these

On my computer at work....so I thought I'd share...

Ryan at about 2 1/2

Ryan & Olivia....Ryan is five here. She is probably six or seven months old, maybe older.

Ryan & Kate Halloween. Kate is not quite 1 1/2

Ryan & Kate...check our her ears!

Ryan & Kate

Ryan's first day of Kindergarten I'm thinking...Kate's first day of preschool.

Ryan at daycare...

Kate checking out my baby belly while pregnant with Olivia. I think I'm about 38 weeks here...

Mom guilt

First of all I have been reading all of your posts, but I can't comment from work. I am writing this in between dinner and a baseball game...but I read them and want to!

Let me tell you a little about mom guilt. I have it. I have a lot of it. Much of it stems from being a working mom. Being a teacher is great, but needing to run and see your kid do something for a half hour or an hour is no easy feat. At least not for me.

So in the last couple weeks I have missed: Ryan's track meet, Kate's program, Ryan's program, Kate's track meet, and Ryan's first baseball game. Oh and to top it off, I almost sent my dad to Skateland when her party was actually at a bowling alley.

One thing I hate about being a working parent is that I can't drop everything every time I want to in order to support my children. It makes me sad. My kids and what they do mean the world to me. When we decided to have four children I obviously hadn't realized that I can't be in four places at once. Too often I have missed an important hockey game because Brady is napping. Maybe I should schlepp him wherever I go, but I can't do that. It's not fair to him.

So as school is winding down, I am feeling ready to be done. Only I'm not done. I have a seminar the first week of vacation. Then I am traveling with my grant group across the south. It's going to be the best.trip.ever, but again, I'm missing out on being a mom.

Do dad's have dad guilt? No one expects them to stay home and be superdad do they? Can you tell I am emotionally spent? I am. This has been one hell of a stressful school year. I am ready to put the last nine months behind me. I am ready for summer. I am ready to be a mom. I am ready to be super irritated by my fighting kids. I am ready to want to go back to school in the fall..but I'm not there yet. Heck I have an even more stressful year ahead of me next school year.

Maybe I just need a pedicure? Massage? Spa day? Trip to Disney World?

Ryan had his end of the year orchestra concert Monday night. I didn't realize it was the entire orchestra from grades 5-12. The gym at the high school was packed...and it was hot. Very hot.
Get this--they had some numbers that caught my eye. In 1993 there were 199 kids in orchestra in that spread of grades. This year there were almost 750.
Needless to say it's a huge program, and the teachers are the reason why.
.
Ryan got a haircut--very much against his wishes. He refused to speak to me for quite awhile. I did get a smile from him when he asked to get ice cream after his concert. I said that I wanted a nice picture in return. It all worked out, because I was really craving ice cream.

Brady having fun as usual....

Someone mad in our house as usual...you never know who it will be. Tonight it was Olivia. I can't remember why, and frankly, I didn't give her an ounce of attention for it.

Some pictures from the last few weeks...

My trip to Arizona with these two lovely ladies...we hit the pool immediately!

Got to see Camie & the adorable Eric!

And yes we got up and watched the wedding...and ate a grand breakfast. And got teary eyed. And loved every minute of it...including all the hats.

I even took a picture of the tv. I'm a loser, but these girls love me for it. :)

Melissa & me out to lunch....

I took a picture of my family on Mother's Day.

Brady wore a Zumba skirt while the girls danced on Olivia's birthday.

The girlies. The old hag is me!

A few reasons why my kids are weird

1. Kate's desktop picture on our computer is of some kid with a huge cold sore on his mouth. Who does that?
2. Brady only plays with kitchen stuff and sports stuff. Say what?
3. Olivia gets out of the tub and then tells me her butt hurts.
4. Kate keeps asking me about sex and menstruation. She recently told me that since I got my period around 13 and a half, she better put a tampon in her backpack now to be ready. Huh??
5. Is it only my six year old who says she hates a meal she's never tried without even seeing it? I told her tonight what I was making, and she said she hated it instantly.
6. Kate went to the park to play soccer today. She's decided she needs to take up soccer. So when she came home from the park, all she talked about was how they dug up clay from the ground. And she brought it home to prove it. Again wth?
7. I came home from running errands yesterday and Brady was on the floor with Kate's Barbie CD player in front of him. He had his hands on his cheeks blasting Crazy Train. He was in heaven. Not Abcs, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, but Crazy Train.
--Note Ryan's weird too, but he's never home for me to see it. As my dad would say, they come by it honestly.

Happy Birthday Miss Olivia

Olivia was one happy SIX year old today. She brought these adorable cookies to school to share with her classmates.

She had these beautiful cupcakes to look forward to after supper....

Then I took her and some girls to Zumbatomic (Zumba class for kids). I took the cutest picture of the girls, but when I tried to get it from my phone, to email, to this, it won't work. It saved as a zip file....what? I'll probably put it on facebook.
Then we went to Space Aliens. This poor boy (the little one that is) skinned his knee walking to the bus stop to get Olivia from kindergarten. Then when we left Jo's, he fell again and skinned his other knee. Then when we got out of the car for Zumba, he was running and skinned his knee again! After we came home....you guessed it...another skinned knee.
But look at this photo....

Not the best photo, but she was so happy all day. And it shows.

After dinner we came home, played outside, and she crashed promptly at 8pm.